Recognition by Seniors and Peers !!!

When I was younger, my father used to take me with him at different places that were meaningless for the very active girl I was: political party meetings, traditional leaders meetings, sensitization campaigns, clan meetings. There were times I got bored by those gatherings and when I asked why he would always bring me there and not my elder brothers for instance, He used to say “You will understand one day”. I was below 12 years old… though he didn’t live to see the materialization of what he saw in me

Today, all this becomes clear to my mind: daddy wanted me to get ready for a great future, to be a leader one day. He wanted me to see and understand from an early age that it is only hard work that brings recognition. This is something I became conscious of with the POWER-UP modules and sessions.

Indeed, I have been advocating for women’s and girl-children rights for the last 10 years, with more vocal roles since 2008. Before I only did advocated for young women because I didn’t want any girl to be a victim of injustice of any sort, not because or I go through what I went through, not because I thought I had the capacity to do so.

I have attended different meetings, seminars, for a, workshops in Africa, in Europe and in Asia. If in a few situations, my participation was a self-made decision, in most of the cases people who have seen me acting for more protection and promotion of the rights of women and girl-children have been sharing information, encouraging me, pushing me to apply and even sponsoring me because they were convinced that the gains obtained will further nourish my work and help me furbish my weapons in order to obtain better results for the good of the beneficiaries. 

An illustration is from the Embassy of Switzerland in the DRC. They heard about me and instead of calling me for a meeting at their offices, their Gender project coordinator came to me for a courtesy visit that quickly turned into a sponsorship for the Festival (the Embassy insisted that the convention had to be signed between the Embassy and me as Festival Coordinator) and later on, a co-optation to a task force in charge of discussing the core reasons of the continuously degrading status of women in DRC. I did not realize that I was the only representative of the youth out of 25 members of that task force comprising current members of national parliament, former ministers, religious and traditional leaders, as well as key personalities from the DRC civil society movement. Who am I to be so blessed and start networking with senior peoples who are all over 45 years old and accepted by my peers?

I am grateful, i have come to appreciate the gift of life and stopped complaining about what i don't have, my health....

My hard work has offered me that recognition from seniors or peers within the human society, I didn’t trust myself and my work in the past, but my peers and even seniors came to me for advice, for contributions in their work, I would always ask myself why are they asking me?

With the self-awareness I gained through the coaching session I can say, my father like many other people who have trusted me, recommended me, or pushed me to my best  saw the potentials I couldn’t see.  

This is something I wouldn’t have understood easily without my coaching sessions. 

The program is ending, but my journey continues

PRIORITIZING, A CHALLENGE FOR ME !!!

Hey sisters! Let me share this with you… as part of being true to myself, if had a look at one of my previous blog you will understand what I mean.

Since my early age, I have been trying hard to capitalize all possible seconds and minutes to make things happen, to create something, to finish my assignments, to achieve my goals, etc. I have been used to open my diary, check my priorities and appointments, and have a clear picture of how my day or week looks like. I've been so good in that until recently before we start the program I mean the journey…

I don’t know how but I found myself “trapped in the closet” (please don’t think of Michael Jackson song now!), not being able to finish what I have started or even to start what I had planned. I remember things were west before the Power Up program. I am not saying that Power Up did not help! No! I am just saying that I though I’ll become a master mind in agenda planning... Yes I did plan everything, that is when I started relaxing at a point where it’s now somehow difficult to do things the way I want them to be done, either because I don’t write down, or because – at least to a friend’s point of view- I don’t manage my time properly.

Illustrations are obvious! See how I am rushing to post my 20 blogs… See how I  frighted  to finalize my my report… Well! If you don’t see, it is fine; at least, I see and I can guarantee it was not a piece of cake. When rushing to finish i ask myself questions like will I make it the way I want it to be? I don’t think; maybe, maybe not. You will judge.

It’s not always about being lazy or lacking internet or interest to do what is expected from me. It is not always about my health giving me hard times to concentrate on what I should do. I don’t even think is about me enjoying life constantly and going out clubbing or simply outing…because I am always busy working on something, then what was the problem???

I was reading a book written by DR. MUKWEGE, on his work on the women survivors of rape. When I finished, I decided to open a book I had start reading YOUR BEST YEAR YET! A book o got from my coach, but I hadn't read because I had to finish some other books that I had started, from the welcome note I regretted not having started reading this book 5 months ago, but it’s never later to start something good.

Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that I am not lost in my daily, weekly, monthly planning but I discovered that prioritizing was my problem and that the challenge I still have to deal with. Your comments will surely assist…. So, who’s best at this game? I need your help sisters… And if you think I've failed with my duties, please be sure that it’s not for failing to try but simply lacking that small push that will make one seat and organize or reorganize what I've already framed or planned to do in order of priority in my plan…

Don’t just read: please give feedback!!!

Proud to be an African Black Woman !!!

having fun and being a center of curiosity in Kathmandu, Nepal

I have never been so proud of being an African Black Woman (ABW)…

Yes! During my journey I have learned to be proud and celebrate some of my success in life. In many instances, I’ve had the opportunity of being proud of myself, proud of my work, proud of my realizations and achievements, proud of my daughter, proud of some of my friends, simply proud of being who I am! But what I experienced in early August proved to me that being proud of me and my world was not enough: I had to be proud of being an ABW.

I flew to Nepal, in Asia to attend training on CEDAW FOR CHANGE, the course is about how to use in way to bring impact in our advocacy work. The training brought together 30 participants from 16 countries. This was organized by the Women’s Human Rights Institute (WHRI) from 4 to 15 August 2014. I attended this meeting with a colleague from my organization.

Although sessions were from 9 am to 8 pm, we had from time to time a chance to go out and mingle with the Nepalese people and their culture. Some persons were so surprised to see the color of our skin and came to touch us, just to make sure it is not dust or something similar that makes our skins so different. You could read in their eyes that they’ve never met black people or they’ve never touched one. It was so hilarious to be a subject of positive curiosity – positive because they were not mocking us as if we were monkeys like the Western did during slavery times- since some of them have heard about my country (remember, some Nepalese soldiers are in the UN peacekeeping mission in DRC) but have never seen Congolese or ABW. I remember one asking me if I had been burned by the heat of the sun… They were so excited to see us shining in our black skins and not even trying to use those lightening cosmetics!!! They treated us with due respect, telling us how they wish they could one day travel to Africa and meet with so different, interesting and dynamic people.

Besides, during our training, we were asked to mention someone we consider a mentor in our live and justify the choice. Before that day, I have never imagined I could be considered a mentor, a model to someone. Surprisingly, I was mentioned and that me once more proud of being an ABW that sheds light on her African sisters.

This is to say that we should be proud of who we are. No matter the challenges, being an ABW is a privilege and we need to consider ourselves blessed because somewhere, there 

will always be people trying hard to be like us.

Thanks to the Power up journey of self-discovery, that allowed me to perceive this differently  and enjoy the experience. 

My Lessons From the Journey : Being True to Myself

My journey in Power Up coaching program is almost ending, I feel very confident to say, if there is one most greatest thing I have learnt from this journey is the power of self-awareness, I have learned that knowing and understanding myself is very important, if I want to live my life the way I wish and not be victim of circumstances and environment.

Lesson learned on significance of Planning and Prioritizing in life

Since I have been working in the human rights activism, I have always a lot of work to attend to. At the beginning it was quite a challenge to get all things done within a reasonable time frame, because planning was not done correctly, but over the years I learned that planning is very important if one wanted to get things done in an organized manner. Though I had learned how to make lists and check lists, yet I often ask myself why after a week, a month…a year is gone by, when all is done I feel frustrated by all the things I could not complete, why is that all things I should have done are not completed, and the things that I Shouldn’t have are achieved?

In life we devote our time to the things we choose to spend our time on. We make choices all the time in our lives to act in a way or in another, though our choices are not always conscious or visible. For one to decide on whether to watch TV or finish a report, sleep or read a book one have to make a choice because we always have one.

When we don’t plan, we end up responding to the events as they happen daily, weekly, monthly …. So I realize that learning how to manage my time better was the key to free up more time that I could devote to other important task.

I also noticed that every time I did not plan what I wanted to achieve daily, weekly, monthly I experienced or still experiencing frequent changes in my planned agenda.

From morning my phone will start ringing, e-mails coming in, peoples needing my assistance in some a way or another, before I know it I would put in a lot of energy attending to this unplanned but seemingly urgent several demands, at the end of the day I would realize that I haven’t accomplish what I wanted to do for the day.

I have also learned that it wasn't enough just setting goals and planning task that needed to be done, but while doing so prioritizing was equally important as planning for me to achieve my goals on daily, weekly, monthly and even yearly.  This means focusing on accomplishing planed task  in order of their importance, though in our human rights work sometimes it’s difficult to separate the dilemma of having to get both “Urgent” and “Important” things at the same time.

I have also learned that sometimes in order to achieve the planned goals, I need to sacrifice some task that I would have loved to undertake and do the task that has to be done to achieve the planned goals.

One thing I am still wondering about is the difference between my satisfaction and achievement, when a planned goal is attained.

When Silence speaks, louder than a voice

Anny keeping the smile

Life is full of surprises, some are positives while some are challenging, because I have learned in my journey that nothing is negative. Difficult moments are just opportunities to help us take a new direction in life. Sometimes some doors have to be closed to allow new doors to open.

The Mother in ME

While growing up, I did not know what being a mother; a loving mother meant ... I did not experience the love and affection any girl deserves from her parents. Very early, I had to act as an adult, take care of my cousins, nephews and nieces while I still was a teenager myself. When my friends could play, I could only cook or take care of people. I started acting like a mother of 5…

On 18 March 2000, I gave birth to my one and only jewel: Divine Rosine K. I cannot explain the joy I felt, knowing that I could also be a real mother. From that moment, all my energy, all my life, everything I could do or not do was connected to my princess, who is smart, proactive, intelligent, sensitive, alert and goal oriented, I didn’t realize my baby was growing old. Today she is a teenager and that makes me proud: I have managed to raise her by myself. Since my job keeps me busy every time, I had to put her in a boarding school to make sure she is in good hands and learns the principles and values of life.

I remember a trip in South Africa where we were both so excited to have quality time together after almost 3 months. We discuss the program we would have together and it started well. But then, all of sudden, she started acting in a strange way, not willing to go out, just staying in the room. Watching movies on my laptop and not enjoying me being next to her. I started wondering what I should do to make her feel at ease and consider the time we were to spend together as mother and daughter...

The following week-end, we went out mall-shopping, ate some junk foods and ice cream, walking and talking like two friends. We spent the night talking and laughing, not predicting what would happen the following day. Gosh! I wish this never happened!!!

On our way to dropping her at the boarding school, one of my little sister notice applied lotion properly on her legs and asked her to fix it before we could continue our way. My daughter, my angel, my princess had this strange reaction that made me wonder if she is the one I gave birth to, the one  I raised in a specific model type. Since I couldn't accept the attitude she gave her aunt, I slept her. She suddenly looked at me and started running away without saying a word. My sisters tried to run after her but she was so fast, so fast that we lost her. I was close to having an heart attack, my bp went so high, my eyes full of tears, I could not imagine not finding my daughter and all sorts of ideas invaded my mind: where is she? What will happen now? We are in South Africa, what if she got kidnaped, abducted, killed? I start crying like I never did since my father passed away when I was 13...I could not control my pain, my tears, I was stuck at one place, not knowing if I should go north, south, east or west...

At that specific time, my POWER UP sessions with my special coach Ennie, her most asked question to me “Anny what will you do about it?” inspired me to call the only person I could count on, the one I love though I so often fell to tell him or act in a way that will prove to him that I love him. (Don't think I will say more about him… that is another story...)

Thank God he was in South Africa, in the same city. He heard me crying over the phone: my daughter is lost!

I knew he was busy with a very old friend of him but I did not care. To my deep satisfaction, whereas he was almost at the opposite side of the city, he came 10 to 15 minutes later, rushed like the father my princess never had, trying his best to calm me down, wiping my tears... I felt better but i wanted my daughter back. I was so mad at her and started saying nonsense but he managed to make me understand that the priority was to find her first...

When we finally found her not far from our complex and got home, I kept quiet and made the decision not to talk to her anymore for at least 3 months to make her understand what she did was unacceptable...

I was full of questions, trying to understand where my daughter’s education failed... My bp was still bad, very bad and I had to lie down.

Almost two months after, when I finally had the opportunity to talk to her - actually she called me with an unknown number-, I appreciated the fact that she apologized after we had a frank mother and daughter conversation, for what she did and told me how she missed me and also Choumy (the name for my friend and love). I guess she would have loved to tell him directly but she wanted to make sure I know and understand that she misses the presence of a father in her life.

What was the message behind such a behavior and then a confession?

I work hard to take care of my daughter, but i did not think a father figure was what she was longing for... sometimes we decide on what is good for our beloved but do not always consider what they really wish we can do for them.

In any case, from this painful experience of the mother in me, I understood that we always need someone next to us when we are weak and vulnerable. No need to always act like a super woman and pretend when we know we cannot stand by ourselves. Know what you are and you will know who you can be surrounded by.

I found my daughter, I found my teenager and she helped me found the mother in me. I love her and I will do everything I can to be the mother she wants me to be for her and let her be the special daughter I want her to understand she is. It will never be easy but at least she knows I am a loving mother.

Building capacity in the journey to empower more young women

Where should I start? From where I stopped last or from where I am now… Whatever I decide, I have to continue telling the story of my journey.

Connecting With my Soul !!!

My greatest strength, joy, peace, and love came from my spirituality and my Christianity. A few years ago I hit a very low stage with depression because of challenges I was facing at work, my health wasn’t stable. It went from stomachache, heartburn to BP, until I got operated.

My situation pushed me away from “GOD”, because I felt like my prayers was not answered, I placed myself in a space where I started questioning what spirituality was, why “God” would allow it for me to go through so much pain.

Then in the midst of my “why me, why this, why that”…suddenly my daughter started reminding me about Jesus and her prayer life, Every time I phoned her we will talk about Jesus and his Divine’s guidance, mainly for her, but before I realized, I was the one getting guidance, inspiration, hope, love, and peace.

It was incredible!

I’ve always believed in Jesus and prayed served in the church, but because of multiple deceptions and challenges of life my communion with my God reduced. Now I believe I was connected to my religion, to my church rather than being connected to “God”, but when pain and adversity came I blamed “God”.

Speaking with my daughter about divinity, and praying to God to guide me without really following a set of rules and regulations of a church or religion to dictate my spirituality or my Christianity has helped me as an individual to experience what I call miracle, transformation and rebuild my communion with God.  I am also experiencing the love and forgiveness of God, because in my reflections I came to a space where I forgave myself.

I believe it is important to find that piece of spirituality anywhere we can. Finding the feeling of love that surrounds us and total forgiveness are the greatest gifts I am given from above! Now, there are no more hopeless nights, no tears of loneliness, or isolation. All I have now is hope, love, and peace deep within my soul, enriching every bit of my daily life. I could not ask for more. I am truly happy and at peace with myself. 

I’ve learned to accept myself as I am, even with the challenges I face every day.

Heavenly love gives me the strength to go on, taking one day at a time.

“It gives me inspiration, peace, and harmony within my heart, to feel that my heart, spirit is connected to my soul!!!”

CONNECTING TO MY BODY

doing my morning exercises 

My body became a battleground against my inner being! In this existential ring reigned abuse by either restriction or addiction: a space where whether   I gnawed nails, I hid behind jokes to keep a smile on my face, I wear a makeup to appear beautiful, I try to get lost in my physical and professional hyperactivity, or dwell in improper eating habits, it was always the same thing: my body suffered in one way or another.

      

 To get out of this shell, after a session with my coach coupled to a therapy session that I had, I proposed to myself to understand what in my daily life, stimulates my inner battle and how to stop it. Through therapy action, which was proposed to me and the support of my coach in a serious and active reflection was to accept my body, my thoughts and emotions in order to achieve complete inner harmony. It helped me to direct my action more for “ME” and not against “ME”

Now when I fill disconnected with myself I take up an open dialogue with my body. Before I never really listened to my body and what it wanted say to me; however I expected it to do the same on my behalf. For some weeks now I have been trying to listen to what lies behind my pains, joys, aches and tiredness and the warm excitement. This process takes time, but slowly now I have distinct knowledge and understanding of each feeling of my body and what my body is communicating to me, after all we are bound together for life !!!

With time I have also learned that it’s helpful to remember the simplest things, they really do help me to get out of my heads and back to earth time to time, nowadays when I feel like I am stuck when i get home: 

visiting nature 

ü I walk barefoot

ü Make jokes

ü Run

ü  Sing

ü  Take shower play with kids or

ü  visit nature

Importance of Knowing Myself !!!

Becoming oneself is first beginning to realize who we are, working in a dynamic of questioning how we interpret the world. Because it is when we become aware of how we do it to "create" our suffering, our fear, sadness, self-blame and self-guilt, pain ... then only we can work on stopping creating them.

We will also gradually discover how our "Educators", “Society” and ”culture” have conditioned us by imposing a framework of interpretation of realities around us.

Therefore we will gradually adjust our perception; we will become more and more kind to ourselves, by discovering without a shame that we have needs that are unique to us, understanding - in relaxation - the causes of our behavior and our emotional mental attitudes.

Being happy is simply: being Myself.

the happy ME

Being true to myself does not mean living in the supremacy of being the “I do what I want, when I want, where I want and with who I want” or “no constraint, no rules”
Being myself: is being in love with me, being honest to myself, accepting who I am, respect my body, my age, my sex and accept and respect others as they are.

INSPIRING MOMENT OF MY JOURNEY !!!

The 3^rd and the 4^th of April was a renewed pleasure to meet other sisters of POWER UP  program, to discuss, share our experiences, to learn from one another  and more importantly to scrutinize our recent past and evaluate our progress for the past 6 months of the program. Seeing sisters in that venue was a refreshment moment for me, because my past 6 months was enjoyable but also challenging both in professional and personal as the self-discovery journey took me back in a painful past that I tried forgetting for the past 19 years.

Being denied to board my flight from my country and missing my flight made me feel like something was hunting me down to disturb my journey, and this raised a confusing feelings within me, the feeling of fear, guilty, blame… and I felt like giving up on everything, Soon I remembered this same feeling that always comes up whenever I am about to achieve something great for myself, I decided to not give up on “ME”, to pick myself up take responsibility and continue with my journey.

On the first day we were all supposed to make presentation on our progress in the journey for the past 6 months, it was amazing and inspiring to see the growth that sisters have made in their journey, I was also inspired by the progress sisters made in their emotional growth, this motivated me to work on my emotional growth as this is an area that I am struggling with in my life, and I am devoting all my time in my work to avoid dealing with emotional challenges.

Another special and inspiring moment on the 2^nd day was the visit and chat with my coach and other sisters in space that felt so safe, I found myself liberating my heart on some issues that only God could read from heart, this made me realize that I was holding myself a prisoner of my past, I also realize that refusing to deal with my emotions was only delaying my personal growth, from the chat I came clear on my purpose in life, my dream and have decided to work hard I dealing with my emotion for a complete successful future not only professional growth.

On another personal level, the last 6 months have been very challenging. It has not always been easy to strike a clear balance between time devoted to my passion, my work, my activism and quality time to spend with my family and especially my daughter. For the 2^nd time I missed her birthday and I am trying hard to make her forgive me for not being there when she needs me the most; it hurts but I hope one day she will understand and share my dreams.

STEPPING OUT OF MY PAST !!!

a women stepping away from her past,moving forward with confidence

Discovering women’s hidden strength

Life is a challenge that we overcome every day not by our own will or strength, but by God’s grace, though sometimes some situations in life might seem unbearable, when we are still breathing  we have to keep hope, courage and work . Because with every  test passed comes a reward.

Just like child labor that women are called by nature to go through, there is 9 months of expectation, with different feelings of discomfort sometimes, joy of becoming a mother, changing moods, difficult choice of food, then the times comes with indescribable pain but the hope of bringing a new life keeps the her stronger until she sees her baby.

Come to think of it, who says that women are vulnerable beings , that women have to always be victims or rely on others people’s help to make things happen?

Who helps women to carry their pregnancy for 9 months?

We need to search deep within us  ”WOMEN”, and find the strength that lies within us, make use of  it to make things happen, change things around us and transform situations… just like with pregnancy and  giving birth, we need to confront difficult situations that comes our ways to be able to cross over and live an all-new life.

At last I believe that we never know that we can bear until we face the deeds, it’s then our inner strength prevails with power to succeed.

So in my journey I have made a deliberate choice not to always run away from difficult situation but to face them and cross over. Not always easy though but worth doing for my personal inner growth and self-power discovery,

SISTER SISTER !!!!!!!!!!!!!